


Maybe We Can Share Dreams

by anXiouspandaboX



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/F, Perry - Freeform, Roommates, composer au, percussionist carmilla
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-07 10:21:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11621562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anXiouspandaboX/pseuds/anXiouspandaboX
Summary: I read a Musician!Carmilla au and got inspired.So here's one that no one asked for lolCarmilla had always been driven to succeed but years of overworking herself had finally burnt her out. This is her story of recovery and the rekindling of her passion for music and happiness over success.





	1. Chapter 1

IA new epiphany. A new routine. A new wonderful something to divert this mess of scrapped away memories and their band wagon of emotions.

Just breathe.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Simple right?

maybe... 

These kind of days when the past came to haunt her ever present stagnant life just to say “hi, remember how miserable of a human being you are?” Voices she hasn’t heard in ages overlap to leave her paralyzed in time. Flashbacks too real and too tangible to manifest itself into guilt and defeat. Then there was her favorite kind of days. Days when her memories would bloom into vivid scenes and all she could feel was her stomach lurching, her throat clenching and her mouth drying. All at once or all a soft whisper, suffocating…drowning...   
****

She slammed her arms down beside her. 

 

“This needs to stop.”

 

Carmilla’s voice echoed around her room. Her mind slowly fading back into the stillness it once was, her ears still ringing of the white noise surrounding her. Tonight her mind was getting a little bit more carried away than usual. Her usual masochist thoughts adding even more weight than her soul carries. It was another one of  _those_  restless nights, the kind where it seems like everything and nothing is happening at the same time. The kind that feels like the continuous cycle of checking time just to factually see how much nonexistent sleep is happening. 

She sighed. 

 Shuffling her arms further towards the other side of the bed she finds her phone and unlocks the home screen.   

 

“2 am isn’t too bad “

She tries consoling herself. The amount of sleep she could squeeze in falling short of 4 hours. Sighing in defeat she rolled over onto her stomach, her face disappearing into her pillow.

 

It hasn’t exactly been the best year, per se. Personally a complete disaster but the professional side of her life was almost hysterically different. Years of her hard work was finally paying off and it was progressively getting better with the increasing demands of commissions. After all, she was the youngest professional percussionist, performer and composer in the state. No one could deny the talent that was Carmilla Karnstein but it was more so her own persistence and self disciplined life style that gained her more recognition than she had thought. She was known to be humble, down to earth, yet still have an air of mystery that proved her charm to the masses. She was swimming in recognition, packed with concerts and rehearsals.

She was living her dream. 

But all good things fall short for Carmilla as she decided to take a break without a hint or warning to anyone. Her collegues and peers became utterly furious at her decision, scorning her for taking her success for granted. They’d continuously bring her decision into conversation, begging her to continue as if their life depended on it. Carmilla had known better than to trust them but she couldn't help but doubt her decisions. Once her own commitment began to waver her stubbornness took over and like a blown out candle she dismissed everyone who tried to persuade her otherwise. Only a few had encouraged her to take the necessary break from the rush of her life and those few are currently the only friends she's kept in contact since her announcement. 

Phone still in hand, Carmilla rolled onto her back and unlocked her phone again. She was fresh out of college and how does one not have an existential crisis at now 3 in the morning? She thought. 

She opened her messages.

 

Carmilla: You up?

 

She sent the text and waited patiently for a reply.

A few moments passed and a notification popped up on a video she began to watch. She opened it. 

 

Laura: -__-

 

Carmilla laughed softly. 

Another text pops up into the chat.

 

Laura: I really shouldn't be surprised anymore tho. What goes on?

 

Carmilla hovers over the keyboard thinking through the responses.

 

Light and casual usually does the trick...But tonight was different. Carmilla had been thinking too much. A bit more obsessively over seemingly insignificant memories that should have been long forgotten. But these once harmless memories keep flooding back with a more vicious vendetta than her offset sleeping schedule. They were becoming a little too much to handle even for her stubborn self to admit. 

 

Carmilla: …

Carmilla: tbh… i’m scared

Sent.

It was true. She couldn't express this feeling more than a kid who was scared of the dark or someone whose lost something so precious they panic. And panic was something new to Carmilla.

The wondrous excitement she had experienced from listening to a piece. Gone.

Panic.

Thrill of performing had suddenly vanished.

Panic.

Ideas, melodies, pieces, gone.

Panic. Everyday she tried to remember but all she could hear were ghosts of melodies that had become too painful to finish.

A nostalgic memory resurfaced.

Carmilla sighed, how can I remember something like that at a time like this? she thought. 

 

A moment of silence and Carmilla is shook from the sudden loudness of her door hitting the wall. 

Scrambling to hide underneath the blankets she tried guarding herself from the sudden intrusion.

 

After a few moments her ears pounding from the sound of her speeding heart. Under the protection of the blankets she contemplated her life but she decided that at this very moment was the safest of all moments to check who the intruder was. She snuck a peek through the blankets. Carmilla's head emerged from the pile of blankets covering her only to spot Laura’s smug smile and hands pointing at Carmilla like a gun.

 

“Gotcha” Laura says in triumph, blowing out her imaginary hand guns.

 

Carmilla buried herself back into the blankets, “Fuck off and I dont think this is something you should feel proud of.” her voice muffled but still audible for Laura to get the gist of. She could still feel her heart beating against her chest and the blood pulsating through her body.

 

“Uh huh but I totally scared the shit out of yah.” Laura laughed. Carmilla peaked again and Laura saw a hint of a smile begin to form on Carmilla's lips. 

Laura points towards Carmilla’s disheveled self, still wrapped in blankets, speculating. “If i’m your damn roommate who else did you think was gonna burst through your door you idiot.” 

 

Silence 

Suddenly Carmilla bursts into laughter. 

It slips her mind sometimes that they’ve been living together for the past three years. They were both too tired of loud roommates and being on campus 24/7 so by their third year of college they'd simultaneously agreed on moving out together. There were definitely some highs and lows to their new housing arrangements, one of which was Laura noticing Carmillas increasing absence from their small abode. Sure they saw each other at school but once Laura got home, Carmilla would be gone. Laura had known of Carmilla’s devotion to her instrument but she never knew to what extent.

So Laura waited.

Someday’s she’d find that Carmilla would be out until the early hours of the morning. Other times she didn’t even come home and Laura would have to bring Carmilla a fresh pair of clothes to school the next day. After the first month of living together Carmilla had spotted Laura sleeping on the couch on a more frequent basis. When Carmilla brought it up Laura had told her she was waiting for her to get home. Since then, Carmilla had started coming home before midnight.

 

Carmilla scoffed “I’m so sorry your highness. I was expecting a murderer not you so could you please leave.” Sarcasm oozing out of her voice. 

 

Carmilla gestured Laura out of the room with her hand but Laura just slapped it and sat next to Carmilla on the bed.

 

Laura looked at the bundled up mess, puzzled on how to help Carmilla out of the maze of blankets. Carmilla noticed and detangled herself, lifting the blankets so Laura could settle into the bed as well. As the adrenaline settled and the room fell into a comfortable silence, she listened to Laura’s breathing trying to match it with her own.

 

Then Carmilla heard the sheets restling as Laura moved the blanket over her mouth. 

 

“Is it…” Laura trails off unsure. Carmilla already knew what Laura was implying.

 

It wasnt new, Carmilla thought.  She’d always thought about it but was just too anxious to actually do anything. Her shoulders began to tense.  Laura noticed the slight shift in Carmilla’s body and moved onto her side to face Carmilla.

 

“I'm here, you know.” Laura tried to reassure her. 

 

Carmilla looked at Laura searching for her eyes in the darkness.

 

“I know…” Carmilla furrowed her eyebrows, her voice wavering “ I - I don’t know…”

 

Everything just seemed too uncomfortable. Everything was too much, just too much she began to think. Everything was just barely in her grasp. Her shoulders were tensing even more and her hands began to fidget with the hem of her shirt.  

 

Carmilla closed her eyes trying to recenter her thoughts when she felt a hand grip hers. She opened her eyes to see Laura staring at her intently.

 

“You know… “ Laura trailed off. She began to play with Carmilla’s fingers absentmindedly. Carmilla had noticed she'd always do this when she was contemplating something. “When I was a kid, my mom would tell me that whenever I had a nightmare I could just hold her hand and then she could share her dreams with me.” Laura says, a small smile forming. “It wasnt true but my five year old self was too scared to let her hand go. Theres no magical way to share dreams of course, but I’ve learned that at least this is a good way to feel comforted to sleep. "

A pause

 

Laura stopped playing with Carmilla’s fingers and grasped her hand a little tighter.  Carmilla shifted to her side to fully face Laura.

Laura smile widens so that her eyes disappear, “Its Laura Hollis approved.”

They both laugh at the jest. 

A pause and she could see Laura’s eyelids slowly closing. “I know its not much but its way too early, late, whatever and we can always talk...” Laura trails off and Carmilla can see that her eyes have definitely closed and knowing that she knows sleep isnt too far off either. 

“yeah yeah I know… Thank you” Carmilla closes her eyes too and tries to focus her mind on the hand still gripping hers. 

 

Laura acknowledges with a hum and in a beat Carmilla could hear her snoring.

 

It’s been awhile since Laura has mentioned her mom… 

Maybe she’ll believe in sharing dreams tonight.  


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its short but oh well.  
> I digress.  
> Enjoy!

Carmilla woke up with a jolt. Panic flooding her body. 

She never slept _this_ good. Why did she feel well rested? Why was her body not aching today? 

More questions flooded Carmillas mind when a hand grabbed hers.

 

“Bruh.” Laura mumbled or more so grunted. 

 

Carmilla froze and looked to see the person offended. 

 

“It’d be nice if you don’t hit me when I sleep” Laura mumbled louder as she tossed Carmillas hand off her head. 

 

“Oh…” Carmilla lifted her hand slowly “ sorry.” 

 

Laura just rolls over, her back facing Carmilla. 

 

Carmilla face palmed herself, her head spiriling. Sleeping was always a chore and she couldnt remember when it was just sleep. When ones self is supposed to be restoring itself from a long day. Or what most people look forward too when their _tired_. But no. Nothing ever seemed as simple as it should be. Whether it was sleep, eating, or even hygiene. Day’s spent hidden in her room or days when she felt like she could reach for her own dreams were transforming into stagnant routines of daily life. 

 

Her thoughts were disrupted when she suddenly felt a familiar sensations itch at her hand. Any sign of going back to sleep completely gone as she began to chase back the sensation. In a flash she was swimming out of blankets and running straight to her keyboard. Her hands genlty plucked through a melody as her hands itched for more.

 

She tried remembering what it felt, how it felt, what it made her feel and all the more her hands kept playing through a new melody. Her eyes closed to focus on the notes when it suddenly disappeared. Vanished as quickly as it came but the melody still wandering in her head, still reminiscing in her ears. She smiled to herself as she felt a weight lifting from her shoulders. 

 

“I give it a 6/10 as a new melody line.” Laura commented behind her. 

 

Carmilla chuckled. 

 

Yeah, it could of been better she thought, but it felt like…

 

“it sounded like you though.”  Laura adds, vocalizing her thought.

 

Carmilla turned around on the bench to see Laura sitting upright still surrounded by blankets. Laura was actually fully attentive when Carmilla had began to play through the melody.

 

She folded her arms “ huh” Carmilla speculated “sounded like me?” 

Laura’s eyes brightened at the question. 

 

“It’s as simple as it sounds. It reminded me of you” Laura began to fidget “ It sounded happy yet melancholic, hopeful yet yearning for something…” she stopped fidgeting. She looked down at her hands hesitating“ ….It reminded me of how you used to play.”

 

Carmilla was almost joyful at Laura’s speculations, she felt hope rising up in her soul. She felt it. She truly felt it and then it was completely shattered. Repressed memories began to burst through the front doors of her mind.

Her gut wrenched and in an instant Carmilla violently got up, the bench screeching from the sudden outburst. Red, all Carmilla could see was red. Her hands were clenching so tightly into fists and her breathing was becoming almost impossible to control. 

As soon as it came it left. Like everything else in her life, Carmilla thought. A deep breath in and a deep breath out. You’ll be fine. Control your emotions. You’re not mad at Laura. _You. Are. Not. Mad. At. Laura._

She tried so urgently to let her anger subside but the red in her eyes weren’t vanishing and the feeling of throwing up was becoming more pressing. 

 

Laura saw the intensity in Carmilla’s deposition and got up to stand in front of her. 

 

“Carmilla” 

 

Silence. 

 

“Can you look at me?” 

 

Silence. Laura was becoming more anxious. 

 

“… please… step… away…” Carmilla finally said, her breath shaky. 

 

Laura nods slowly “ok.” 

 

Laura began fidgeting again as she took a few steps back waiting for Carmilla to calm down. 

A few moments passed as the room fell into a dull silence. Carmilla’s ragged breath slowly becoming steady. 

 

Laura barely spoke above a whisper, looking at their feet, “I’m sorry.” 

Carmilla’s eyes never left the floor “I know… I’m sorry too.” 

 

......

 

_Frequent are my daydreams_

_Frequent are my nightmares_

_I only wish for them to disappear_

_Vanish and be done with_

_Frequent are my desires to be normal_

_To think that I can be normal…_

_To not have to think my fantasies of a brighter future are not in vain._

… 

 

The first thing she noticed was the pulsing of her head. The second being her fingers twisting an unknown blanket. The third and the last object of her realization was opening her eyes to a sleeping Laura right next to her.

 

She sighed. 

 

A couple of weeks had passed since her last grip unto her dream had shattered too quickly for her to remember it as a quaint one. Although, she had realized the more time she spent with Laura the less nightmares she had. Or the more times she spent holding her hand at night, the more times she’d been able to actually sleep. 

 

But those are just frequent happenings that are no more related to her own suffering. 

So the frequent of frequent is holding Laura’s hand before falling asleep and it ceases to amaze her how easy it is to fall asleep. 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or the one where Carmilla meets Laura

Competitions; a horrifying anomaly of the self discipled, elites and prodigès seeking a name. 

Recitals; a perpetual doom of misfortune because last recital all hell broke loose when Carl’s piano bench wasn't the right height… Again.   

And back stage stood a young girl, brimming between the novelties of wonder and the unknown, waiting for her first experience of such things. The concept of someone, alone on stage, in front of a panel of judges or eye witnesses, could paralyze anyone. But then again, past all the agonizing pain of waiting her turn, it was her moment to perform. Months of tediously long hours with her piano instructor and even longer hours practicing, had all led up to this one night. 

 

And she was next. 

 

She was going to be standing there. She was going to be the one performing. The next to have that one perpetual mistake happen to and ruin her or let her existence cease from sheer embarrassment. The realization sent shivers down Carmilla’s spine.  Her hands trembling from the rising performance anxiety. 

But playing was different.

 Alone, she could enjoy the sounds of the piano. It was a truly liberating experience for her. Music could take her to an infinite amount of worlds that her mother restrictedly forbidden of such “nuances.”

 So she played and she ventured into unknowns with her music by her side.   While playing Tcherepnin or Mozart, she’d imagine herself running freely in fields of grass, dancing like she was a friend amongst the bees. Hydn and Clementi a favorite of hers because they were easier to play with her developing hands. Her instructor introduced her to Bach and it felt like she jumped into a lake at the turn of the season. 

 

Cold and unforgettable.  

 

The image of her mother appeared, in her world of music and it frightened, her. Her instructor couldn’t understand why Carmilla had  hastened to learn them and discard them immediately. She’d later realize that it was because the pieces were well organized, strong in counterpoint, resolute in tonal changes, and without the blemishes of parallel fifths, synonymous to a perfect mother. And one she had believed one time in her young life.

 

 But to the pieces she couldnt physically play yet, she’d listen to and imagine infinite adventures. One being on a midnight boat ride guided by Debussy or on a great adventure with John Adams. Then there were days when she wanted to feel like royalty and she found a way to store a whole collection of Baroque music underneath her bed so she could dance like them whenever she pleased. Her curious mind, when not in a lesson or practicing, dove into studying the pieces she’d play and scores she’d listen to. Her one true attachment being a score of Stravinsky’s Rite of Spring.  Because when a young girl felt like ruling the world with something as radical as the piece she could hold in her own hands, she believed she could do the same. 

 

But now,  with her performance all too near, she was  forced to face a reality she hadn’t thought of. One where her world sank into the waters with Debussy  or fade into the hallelujah chorus of Beethoven’s 9th. 

 

But what could an eight year old do with such thoughts? 

 

A young boy could be seen performing on stage while Carmilla waited patiently backstage. Whatever confidence she had left was quickly dissipating.  

 

“Mother… I can’t go on stage.” Carmilla whimpered out. Her eyes down cast, tears blurring her vision. 

 

 

A strong arm rested upon her shoulder. 

 

“But you can, my darling. This is only but a small crowd,” her hand fixing a stray hair from Carmilla’s ponytail. “I believe in you.” 

 

 

Carmilla looked up from her mothers statement to see her giving a thumbs up. The small gesture instantly changing her attitude into confidence.

 

 

“If you believe in me, then I will too.” Carmilla beamed and lifted her head high. 

 

 

The applause from the crowd directed their attention to the stage signaling that it was Carmilla’s turn. The previous performer bowed and walked off, passing by Carmilla as he left. 

 

 

“Come now my dear, its your turn to shine.” 

 

 

“Yes maman!” 

 

 

—

 

 

The faint sound of a metronome could be heard resonating out of Carmilla's headphones into the small practice room. 

 

 

"What a joke," Carmilla scoffed, her hands moving on autopilot.

 

Carmilla hated people telling her what to do and even more so despised having to take a required, no credit class ONLY for first years. No plan in mind and a distracted leader later, she took the opportunity and escaped her group to anywhere else. 

 

Bag slung onto her shoulder and headphones blasting her latest mix tapes, she let herself wander around campus. 

 

Sila’s was definitely an underrated school when it came to it’s music program. She hadn’t expected to even consider the program but after seeing the presence of the Glee club, there was definitely something hypnotizing to it. 

 

Thus explains Carmilla's current predicament. Her consciousness was nowhere near desiring to head to the music department but there she was, standing in the department lobby. After realizing where she was she, took a look around, observing what sacrilegious sacrifice took place for her to be led here. But everything seemed normal, her observations futile. 

 

 For a moment she let her gaurd down, letting a warmth wash over her. A reminiscent feeling lingered in the air, welcoming her. She felt at peace. Like she belonged here. But the moment was short lived as forgotten memories barraged her head. Her feet  moving on their own accord, reality beckoning, and without hesitation rushed into the nearest practice room. 

 

— 

 

“These memories arent worth my time.” She tried to brushing off, refocusing her attention back to the tempo she’d set on the metronome. 

 

 

She glanced back down at her metronome, How ironic, she thought.

 

 

Time had changed her. Sculpted a young girls once ignorant bliss of music into an old bitter routine. Performances were nothing more than mere annoyances and pity reminders to her ignorance. Mothers plan was always meant to make Carmilla's name known and to exploit her talent. She should of known, she DID know  ,but without fail she fell for mothers promises every time.

 

 

"Mothers innocence, mothers love, mothers confidence, what an insane joke.” Carmilla mumbled underneath her breath continuing her warm up on the drum pad. 

 

 

WHACK 

 

 

Carmilla had been too careless divulging in her thoughts and hadn’t noticed one of the sticks catching underneath the other. In an instant, off it went flying out of her hand. The lone stick flying toward the ceiling and Carmilla threw her hands up to protect herself. She felt the stick brush against her hand as it fell to the floor. 

 

 

She leaned over, picking up the stick from the ground, “God, that was a close.”

Out of the corner of her eye she saw something moving. When she turned to look she spotted a figure staring at her through the practice room window. Shock covered the  persons face and in an instant they vanished. Carmilla raised her eyebrow speculating, but brushed it off. 

The less you know the better, she thought.

 She fixed herself on the chair and continued on her venting session on the worn out drum pad. 

 

 

—

 

 

After a half hour of going through her warm ups and various rudiments, she checked her phone. 

 

4:28 pm 

 

“Ah, it should be orientation time shouldnt it?” She wondered to herself. She had forgotten her orientation papers back at her dorm and didn’t mind if she had missed something as trivial like orientation. Unbeknownst to her, a certain RA had checked her name from the attendance. 

 

 

Carmilla packed her things and left the practice room walking towards the department lobby. She trudged herself through the hallways, head completely numb from venting out her thoughts.  Carmilla walked into the lobby, about to open the door to the exit when she spotted a nervous figure sitting at the end of the lobbies couch.

 

Carmilla turned to the figure, confused, “ugh…” 

 

Carmilla tried to think of a greeting and began rubbing the back of her neck, her mind blanking on formalities. Maybe there was a possibility that this person was lost but she knew she knew wouldn't be of much help. 

 

 

The person sprang up, eyes cast down.

 

 

“I SAW YOU PRACTICING AND YOU SOUNDED REALLY GOOD!” The person burst out. 

 

 

Carmilla’s eyes widened, her mind becoming completely even more flustered. She hadn’t expected this person who had been watching her to upfront confess.  Truthfully, all she was doing was warm ups and it wasnt all that good considering she was venting out her control. 

 

 

Carmilla stood there, frozen, the silence between the two prolonging even more. 

 

Shortly after,  the figure in front of her started to make a break for the door. 

 

 

“HEY! —  WAIT!”

 

Carmilla didnt know what took over but she grabbed the persons arm. 

 

What kind of situation was this? she thought. 

 

Carmilla let go, still feeling awkward about the whole encounter and let out a laugh. A quick facade to shake off the awkwardness but it soon turned into a genuine laugh. 

 

 

 Carmilla soon calmed down. “Sorry, I was just too surprised,” she admitted. 

 

 

“Well you didnt have to be rude and laugh about it either.” the person retorted, crossing their arms across their chest. 

 

 

Carmilla  speculated the tough act and compared to a harmless puppy. 

 

 

Carmilla laughed again. 

 

 

“Oh my god, again!?” They yelled in disbelief. 

 

 

Now they were definitely offended, Carmilla thought. 

 

 

At this point, Carmilla couldn’t stop laughing and it contagiously spread to the other person. Both of them genuinely laughing at this strange meeting. 

 

 

Carmilla finally composed herself enough to speak. “The name's Carmilla. The person you so thought sounded awesome playing through warmups.” She gloated, her smile turning smug. 

 

 

Upon realizing their mistake they try to hide their reddening face, “Ah… well thats embarrassing…” She sticks out her hand, "I’m Laura and well I didnt say it was that awesome.” She teased.

 

 

Carmilla took the hand gladly and gave it a quick shake. 

 

“Nice to meet you, Laura.” 

 

 

—— 

 

 

The new acquainted students had slowly made their way back to their dorm, definitely passed the time of orientation. Exactly one step passed the door and a woman abruptly stops them. The person, clip board in hand,  clearly exuding authority. 

 

 

“Excuse me, but are you two...” a glance toward the clip board," Laura Hollis and Carmilla Karnstein?” Their tone clearly accusatory as she eyes the two. 

 

 

The two look at each other, confused, and then nod. Both unsure of where this conversation might lead but Carmilla could feel the guilt emanating next the person next to her.  

 

 

The woman began tapping their pen on the wooden clipboard. “I see. You were both absent from orientation. Care to explain?”

 

 

“We- ugh …” Laura fumbled through. 

 

 

Carmilla figured the rays of guilt had been coming from the smaller girl, guilty conscious plastered all over her face, so Carmila jumped in.

 

 

“We got lost. We both were wandering around campus. Then decided that two heads were better than one but obviously that didnt work.” Carmilla covered.

 

It technically wan’t a lie, they did get lost. She just dismissed that their meeting in the music department held them from orientation… and the possible snack run but that was all unnecessary information, she thought. 

 

 

The person peered at Carmilla skeptically, who was now leaning against a wall picking at the poster plastered there. 

 

 

Their pen stopped moving. 

 

“I’m sorry to hear that. Well, moving forward. My name is Lola Perry and I am your dorms RA. Please note that all student functions and meetings are required in this dorm and have consequences for those who are absent. Let this be a warning for the two of you.” Perry eyed the two. 

 

 

Laura completely defeated, “Right. We apologize for the inconvenience.”

 

 

Carmilla withholds her sarcastic comment, still fascinated by the poster.

 “Sorry. It wont happen again.” 

 

 

The RA nods, satisfied by their apology. “Good. Have a nice rest of your evening you two.” 

 

 

Once the RA was out of sight Laura let out a breath both had been holding in. 

 

 

“Thanks for the save.” Laura breaths. 

 

 

Carmilla backs off the wall and heads up the stairs, “ Yeah, no problem.” 

Laura’s footsteps following shortly behind her. 

 

 "But you really have horrible tells. Anyone could see the arrows of nervous energy emanating off of your tiny body.” Carmilla looks behind her and points at the invisible nervous arrows. 

 

 Laura scrunches her nose from annoyance, “You’re so full of yourself.” Laura scoffs. 

 

 

After a couple staircases up, Carmilla noticed they’d been walking in the same direction for a bit now. 

 

 

Curiosity filling her head with dread, “Whats your room number?” 

 

 

“307… I think.” 

 

 

Carmilla lets out a breathe. 

 

 

“I’m 308. Looks like we’ll be neighbors.” Carmilla smiles to herself.  Laura had caught a glimpse of her smile and desperately tried to suppress the butterflies filing her stomach. Laura reprimands herself. She shouldnt be jumping to conclusions so quickly we're just neighbors, she thought. Although a tad disappointed. 

 

 

“Ahh, I see.” Laura responds awkwardly, still trying to hide her excitement. “Does that mean we’ll see more of each other?” 

 

 

“As if.” Carmilla scoffs. “I have to keep some air mystery.” 

 

 

Carmila opened the door to the third floor, gesturing Laura to walk through first. 

She could sense the anger resonating from the small girl as she passed first reluctantly. 

 

 

“I didnt realize you could be this annoying.” Laura bats and picks up her pace to distance herself from Carmilla. 

 

 

“Well, you obviously don’t know me at all.” Carmilla retorts back matching Laura’s pace. “That little scrunched up face you make is priceless.” She added.

 

They finally reach their respective dorms, just a respective steps away from each other. 

 

She decided to let her facade go and honestly said her farewell, "See you around, cupcake.” 

 

 

“IT’S LAURA!” was the last thing she heard before her door closed and a smile lingering on her face. 

 

 

….

 

 

“So, are you entering the contest?” Laura ask while theymake their way toward the dining hall. 

 

 

Out of all the irony this world had, Carmilla and Laura were indeed both music majors. So what idiot, would forget that small fact and forget that they both had the same theory class together. Carmilla, Carmilla was that idiot. A week had passed and after every theory class Laura would tag along with Carmilla to lunch. At first it annoyed Carmilla to no end. Laura would go off on some rant about how ignorant her first year group was or whatever pop icon had urked her. After a couple more weeks, Carmilla had began to enjoy these small conversations and it just became a normal thing to have lunch together after class. 

 

 

“Eh, I’m still debating on it. But knowing mother, I’ll probably have to anyways.” She admit. She figured it wasnt worth fighting mother at the moment. She had to prioritize a low profile  and if that meant being compliant with mother she’d have to bite her tongue. 

 

 

They finally reach the dinning hall and luckily right before the lunch rush. Which meant the two had dibs on their favorite spot, a corner table with a great view. Laura had said it was for people watching but Carmilla had in mind other views she’d enjoy. It was all a joke to Carmilla but the bruise that surfaced from her arm taught her otherwise. 

 

They drop off their stuff at the table and rendezvous back after they’ve picked up their food. 

 

 

 “By the way, I’ve just assumed your major was music but what’s your emphasis?” Laura asks her mouth full of food. 

 

 

“First of all, finish your food before you speak.” Carmilla reaches across the table and closes Lauras mouth. “And second, I’m still considered undecided. I mean, I technically have till next year to officially decide.” She answered offhandedly. Her mother had began nagging her about this topic as well but it was getting harder not to let her annoyance show. 

 

 

Laura swallows her food, “Gotchu, but I mean, all I’m saying is that you could easily be a performance major. We’ve all seen you in studio class and your skill level is definitely out of all of our leagues. Basically Im saying you’d kick ass as a performance major, I mean have you seen yourself perform? Like seriously, you’re such a natural… ” Laura goes off on her regular rambles. Carmilla half paying attention while the other half is watching the people pass by. 

 

 

“Mmm…” Carmilla ponders the thought. She waves her hand dismissing it immediately. “Nah, not my stage. I’d prefer to be in the background. And now that I think about it, you havent told me what your emphasis is either.” 

 

 

“Cause you never asked.” Laura shoots back immediately. 

 

 

Carmilla was ready to retort with a sarcastic comment but stopped mid thought when she looked back at Laura.  Immediately she noticed how full Laura's cheeks had become  and glanced down to see a now  empty plate. Carmilla chuckled to herself observing how cute Laura could be sometimes. 

 

 

Carmilla pinched the bridge of her nose, feigning frustration. “Just because I said to finish your food before you speak didnt mean literally ALL your food. I just meant what was in your mouth, cupcake.” 

 

 

“Then do you want to see?” Laura began to open her mouth and Carmilla shoves her hand over it. 

 

 

“NO.” Carmilla deadpans.  “Definitely not.” 

 

 

Laura swallows the remnants of her food and they both begin to laugh. Carmilla could easily take for granted these small moments. After her hours of classes and then further hours of practicing she’d been sure she wasnt going to have a social life. But here she was, with someone she’d accidentally met in the lobby of the department. She could of, hypothetically, just ignored Laura in class, or even around the department. But somehow, this girl has made an imprint on her life. 

 

Laura, wiped her mouth before speaking, “ I guess you could consider me undecided…Although my path is kinda definite at this point in my life.” 

 

 

Carmilla stared at her in confusion, raising an eyebrow. 

 

 

Laura continued. “You see, I’ve always been the known accompanist back home, it’s what I’m good at. But you know, I’ve always wanted to go into journalism. I have an eye for the curious but if anything, I’m still a performance major and will continue as such.” Laura explained. 

 

Carmilla stared at Laura, who was now staring out the window. She  could see the shift in Lauras demeanor. She felt a coldness in Lauras voice and her usual bright eyes looked full of disdain. Carmilla was well acquainted but she hadn’t expected someone as carefree as Laura  to have them as well.  Seeing Laura in such a colorless way was everything BUT Laura. She wanted Laura to always be happy and smiling and whoa where were these feelings coming from? Carmilla stopped her train of thought and before she knew it her mouth was moving. 

 

 

“Would you teach me piano then?” Carmilla’s brain finally catching up. The urge to uppercut herself now more pressing than this conversation. 

 

 

Both of them shocked by the question, staring each other in disbelief. Carmilla mentally digging herself in a hole. 

 

 

Laura looked at Carmilla baffled and pointed to herself, “Seriously? Me?” 

 

 

A pause, Carmilla started rubbing the back of her neck. Her head urgently trying to form a valid response. 

 

 

“Well, uhh, you see I, um, cant really play past an intermediates level and uhh-“ Carmilla rambled. She could feel the heat rushing towards her ears. 

 

 

Why is it so hot? Its supposed to be fall right? And since when do I ramble? This isnt my thing! Carmilla thought trying to suppress the embarrassment. The intermediate level of her piano skills wasnt a complete lie but she could technically pass the piano proficiency test without a problem but…. 

 

 

“Huh” Laura said, breaking Carmilla’s spiraling thoughts of embarrassment. 

 

 

She could see Lauras face lighting up “I’d gladly teach you, Carm.” 

 

 

Carmilla let out a breath she hadnt known she’d been holding and laughed to herself. 

 

 

“But it looks like I put you on too high of a pedestal if you need my help for piano though.” Laura looked at Carmilla with a smug smile. 

 

 

“Ah, shut up.” Carmilla tried to say in annoyance. She quickly looked away from Laura, trying to hide the smile that was still on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> re- edits and re-edits and all nighters.  
> Work is a pain so I'm so sorry for all the mess that is my reedits  
> but I wanted more backstory and I suck at dialogue and I'M JUSt V ANXIOUS.  
> Ok im done.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or the one when its the darkest night of the year and Laura finds out.

Present

 ---

 

Days had passed idly with only slight variation of the other. Wake up. Laura makes breakfast while Carmilla makes coffee for the both of them. Laura leaves for work and Carmilla stays home to satisfy her own needs of reading scores, books, and taking sporadic naps.

But as the variations of days continue to pass slowly for Carmilla, Laura had her own plans for this particular weekend. 

Laura had reached her limit seeing her best friend in such a distressed state. Coming home to her walking around the house or more so shuffling everywhere with little to no motivation was almost unfair. Trying to push her to do something, only to get the same smile. The same smile thats meant veiling the truth. The same smile that wasnt meant to make Laura worry but it still creating the opposite effect. 

So Laura deliberately planned the weekend off in hopes for her ultimate plan. The two of them had started their morning as usual. But there was so much excitement buzzing off of Laura that Carmilla couldnt help but notice. 

“Whats with you?” Carmilla asked while pouring coffee for the both of them. Black for her while she downed cream into Laura’s. Zoning out a bit as she watched the dark drink turn into a lighter shade of brown. 

 

“Mmm, I wonder” Laura hummed, flipping a pancake. 

 

Carmilla sat down at the  kitchen island. She settled herself, taking sips of her coffee while lazily watching Laura as she continued cooking. Carmilla could see the little bounce in Laura’s step and the slow sway of her head that could only mean there was a plan in that little head of hers. 

 

Carmilla took another sip of her coffee, “Any plans in mind?” She looked down, examining her coffee as hot steam lingered inside disappearing before it cold leave the cup. Black but slightly sweet. Coffee, once consumed with a hate to carry her with purpose through the day morohing into still, sweet aromas. She couldnt remember when the bitter taste of coffee had subsided into these pleasant things but it made mornings like these a little sweeter too. 

 

“Just a few,” Laura placed the finished plate in front of Carmilla. She walked around to sit next to her with her own. 

 

Carmilla examined the plate, finishing up her cup of coffee. A wholesome plate of pancakes, eggs, and bacon. Frankly not the best breakfast style for Carmilla but it gave a hint to past excursions to 24/7 diners in haste to fulfill ones appetite for project all nighters. The memory flooded Carmilla with an immediate fondness for her friend sitting next to her, whose mouth was now filled with food. 

 

“If you’re up for it, would you like to join me,” Laura spit out in between mouthfuls. 

 

Carmilla let out a sigh, “You still havent rid of that terrible habit of yours.” She reached over and poked Laura’s cheek. 

 

Laura smacked Carmillas hand, “I’m no breaker of habits.” She pointed to Carmillas plate with her fork, “Hurry up and eat before it gets cold.” 

 

Carmilla rubbed the offended hand and picked up her own fork in defeat, “Fine.” 

 

They began eating comfortably, conversing about nonsense. Plates soon empty and slowly forgotten as more nonsense conversations continued. Any other day Laura would be out of the house rushing out to work. But today, the two let the dishes be forgotten in the sink, time passing, enjoying the presence of the other. 

 

The two migrated over to the couch, cups refilled with coffee, divulging in even more meaningless conversation that could only happen when the two spent time with each other. 

 

Carmilla had forgotten what Laura could do to her. Her laughter was carelessly open, her gestures reckless in expression, and her mind so impulsive to speak yet willing to listen. This is what spending time with Laura did to her. Divulging into her presence, no matter when or where, felt completely natural.  Even after so many years into their friendship, Laura was still Laura. Even after their battles and struggles, they meant so much more to each other than the other would admit. 

 

Laughter and hours later both had settled into a comfortable silence on the couch. Coffee cups now emptied and forgotten on the coffee table. 

 

Laura laid down and situated her head onto Carmillas lap, aka her makeshift pillow. Carmilla, not complaining about their new positions, began mindlessly combing her fingers through Lauras hair. 

 

“Didn’t you have something planned?” Carmilla continued her menstrations, looking down at Laura.

 

Laura hummed, “This is included.” Laura lazily opened her eyes looking up at Carmilla, "Spending time with you… that is.”  

 

“Hmm…” Carmilla slipped her hand out of Laura’s hair and covered her eyes. “Then would you mind if we both take a nap?” 

Laura let out a laugh, her smile exuberant and always filled with promise. She grabbed Carmilla’s hand and pulled it off of her eyes, their hands settling on Laura’s stomach. “I’d like that.” Laura looked at Carmilla one more time before closing her eyes, “But not for long. We have plans together. Outside of this house.” 

 

It sounded so confident, so natural in its nature, and still Carmilla let the idea of them going out together sink in. Even if she hadn’t thought about it she knew the two of them hadn’t spent a lot of time together in a while. Literally outside for the most part. Days had slipped past Carmilla, unknowingly and idly passing. Without her knowledge a month, then two, and then another month had passed by way too quickly. It’s easy for her to just forget that time was a legitimate thing. She suppressed the wavering feelings swirling in her heart and closed her eyes. She willed her mind to focus on the hand that was holding Laura’s and let her mind subside into sleep. 

——

She could sense a presence near her face but she wasnt sure if waking up was a good idea to acknowledge how intrusiveness the presence was. She kept her eyes closed and realized the hand that had previously held Laura’s was now empty. Even more curious was that the weight on her lap had now disappeared. Realizing that the presence near her face was a finger that probably belonged to the one previously on her lap she grabbed it. 

 

“Ah! You’re no fun!” Laura tugged her finger away. 

 

Carmilla finally opened her eyes, her body feeling oddly refreshed. “There comes a point when your pranks become a little too predictable.” 

 

“Suuuure.” Laura drawled out and shrugged herself off the couch. “Well I think it’s about time we head out.” 

 

Carmilla huffed, grabbing the empty coffee cups, “And where would that be?”

 

Laura gently took the coffee cups out of Carmilla’s hands, making sure to get as much contact as possible, “Dont worry about it.” She swayed over to the kitchen to place them into the sink with the rest of the dirty dishes. 

 

Carmilla froze, unable to process what just happened. She shook her head, “Hey!” fixing herself “I thought I was supposed to be the one with the air of mystery. Not you!” 

 

“Carm, that was ages ago. We all know you’re a huge softy at heart.” Laura walked over to Carmilla, grabbing her hand, whining “Come on, we need to go soon. It’s getting close to dinner so lets both get ready and lets go!”

 

Carmilla couldnt say no now, after all the puppy dog eyes and Laura being completely too cute. This was admittedly Carmilla’s defeat but without fail she rolled her eyes, “Fine.” 

 

At that moment Laura’s smile beamed and Carmilla was now KO for the count on arguing with Laura anymore. Laura ran into her room leaving Carmilla alone in the living room. 

 

She rubbed her forehead and whispered to herself, “What am I going to do with you?”

 

——

The two had picked up dinner at their favorite little taco shop down the road, per Laura’s request. 

 

“Now where to?” Carmilla tried prying. Laura was in full control of the destination now as she was driving. 

 

“You’ll see.” 

 

—— 

 

They had finally arrived after a short drive and it was no later than 8pm but the sun was setting perfectly over the horizon. Laura had proceeded to take out a beach bag that had been stored in the trunk as Carmilla was tasked to bring the bag of food. 

 

Carmilla stood in front of the car, awestruck at how beatiful and clear the sunset was. No clouds to hinder or obscure it and they were far enough away from the musty pollution that filled out the beautiful sky. It was just a hue of reds and blues and shades of the in between. Today was just too perfect of a day to watch the sunset. 

 

A shoulder nudged Carmilla's side, “Are you going to just stand there looking stupid or do I have to help you?” 

 

“Ha very funny” Carmilla rolled her eyes and started walking. She stopped to wait for Laura realizing she didnt know where they were heading.

 

“You should know where we’re going. You don’t have to wait.” Laura smiled again with that amazing smile of hers. Full of self confidence and reassurance.

 

Carmilla softly smiled, eyes full of trouble,“Then theres no need to be so slow.” And she dashed into a full sprint, bag of food in hand.

 

“Carmilla!”

 

——

 

“So tell me again why we’re here. You’re making me super suspicious if I missed something.” Carmilla placed the last of her taco into her mouth. 

 

“And I thought I was the one with the habit.” This time Laura poked Carmillas cheek full of food. 

 

Carmilla opened her mouth wide open, “Haaaa!” 

 

Laura shoved Carmilla’s mouth closed, “You are utterly disgusting.” 

 

“Uh huh, it’s not like you didnt do this too. On multiple occasions. With multiple people.” 

 

“Ok you can shut up now.” 

 

“I win.” 

 

Laura scrunched her nose. 

 

“Now I officially win.” Carmilla reached over and poked Laura’s nose. 

 

“Yeah, yeah whatever.” Laura waved off Carmilla hand. 

 

Carmilla let Laura finish her own food and watched the remnants of the sunset in comfortable silence. The vibrant colors already fading into shades of blues and purples. It was only a matter of minutes until the sun was completely out of sight. Slowly, the sun descendant and the sound of gentle tides rested between them.  

 

The spot they were at was absolutely a secret that only the two of them knew of. Summer holidays usually meant that no matter what location or time you chose around the lake, there were always a dozen or more so people there. But one outing Carmilla had finally found it. The one perfect spot that overlooked the lake and completely free of people. No one could bother them, no one could interfere with their swimming or playing, and it was completely and exclusively theirs. It was an alcove of special memories only meant for them, only for them. Carmilla was definitely boasting with pride the day she found it. 

 

But now this spot had grown to  hold only memories of their past that the present can’t boast about anymore. This spot had now set into shades of lighter “I’m sorry’s” and darker hypotheticals that would swim into Carmilla’s conscious every now and again. Vibrant, burning colors were something she’d wish for again but then again she’s thankful enough that she could still see warn out hues of them in the distance. 

 

Carmilla sighed, “Please, tell me again why we’re here.” Her eyes distant but still looking toward the sky. 

 

Startled, Laura coughed, “I- Well… Truthfully I first just wanted you out of the house and so I had something else in planned for the whole day for the both of us. One of which included swimming but then this morning happened… or should I say late morning cause you did kind of wake up late. And then I just wanted to spend time with you so I was extremely happy when we both took a nap but then I forgot you take age long naps. So it was already late but I already planned for a day here so I slightly changed plans and — "

 

Carmilla grabbed Laura’s hand instantly halting her mid ramble, “This isnt a bad thing. I just wanted to know.” She kept her eyes low, because looking at Laura right now was a little too overwhelming.

 

Laura let out a breath, “I found out that tonight was going to be the darkest night of the year, making the Milky Way and stars in general easier to see. Plus its perseids meteor shower season! So I thought we’d take an outing here to watch shooting stars  together…” she began drawing circles in the sand with her free hand. “I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about it. But I didn’t want a night like this to go to waste.” 

 

Carmilla squeezed Laura’s hand, gaining her attention, “I think thats amazing.” she whispered. 

 

Laura instantly beamed her smiled toward Carmilla “I knew you’d like it.” 

 

They stayed like that for awhile, staring at each other speaking only of hypotheticals and fondness through their eyes. Hands intertwined as the sun completely set and darkness engulfed the two in lighter shades of purple and darker shades of blue. 

 

 Carmilla was the first to break their gaze, she coughed, “We should set up the rest of the blankets then. Its already dark.” 

 

Laura unfazed, slowly let go of Carmilla's hand and fished out the blankets from her bag.

Once finished fixing the blankets, the two laid down on top of the blankets and Laura instantly searched for Carmilla’s hand. Welcoming the hand, Carmilla proceeded to intertwine their fingers. 

They laid there in silence, comfortably watching the sky turn darker and darker. 

 

“You know…” A pause, Carmilla could feel Laura rubbing circles on her hand. “I never knew why people were scared of the dark.” 

 

Carmilla turned her head to look at Laura, “Why do you say that?” 

 

Laura’s thumb stopped moving “Because it’s comforting. The dark. I mean I get that it’s scary to not know what its in the unknown and the darkness is full of unknowns. But I mean it’s just like tonight.” 

 

Carmilla looks up toward the sky, now lit up with stars. Her eyes fully engulfed in how clear the stars are coming out and how visible the Milky Way is. 

 

“ The darker it is, the more we’re able to focus on smaller details. The details that are more important.” A shooting star passes by, lighting up a stream behind it. Laura looks toward Carmilla after making a wish. “Details that, without the dark, we wouldn’t be able to see.” 

 

Carmilla’s were fixated on the night sky. So many thoughts had disappeared and all that was present was Laura’s presence, everything Laura, Laura, Laura, Laura. 

 

Carmilla looked at Laura, a shooting star lighting up their faces. 

 

“I couldnt agree more.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's already hard enough to figure out what I'm doing with my life but having complicated schedules is something I'm never down for.  
> Idk how to feel about this story anymore but I'm slightly losing my mind.  
> I'm sorry guys.

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly have no idea what I'm doing guys! AH!  
> But thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> Also I wish I remembered which au I read that inspired this fic  
> but I promise if I find it I'll definitely recommend it!


End file.
